Innocence of Kids

I am continually impressed and amazed by my two beautiful girls.  They say the most profound things that really teach me that I need to look at life and the world through a better set of eyes.  There are so many things that we are continually influenced with that make it so that as we get older the world tells us what to think of things.  Not so with my girls.  They think what they want to about the things that they want to think about.   Wish I could do more of that instead of being told what to think by the influences around me.

Yestereday we had a really great time with Paige and Mia as the four of us ventured on a 5k.   Yes, all four of us!  I was running with Mia and Carrie took off with Paige.  Sweet little Mia tried so very hard to run her little heart out.  I have an application on my phone to track our progress.  She full on ran for .75 miles!  Those little legs were just pounding the pavement.  She wanted so badly to keep running but her poor little legs were in so much pain that we ended up walking.  Overall, she ended up walking 2.63 miles.  I'm so proud of her!  Compared to me, that's like walking somewhere around a thousand miles with her little legs.   We had a really great time as we walked along for the hour and a half or so just talking about the world around us and what was going through her mind.

 She was very concerned that her big toe isn't called a foot thumb.  She felt that a foot thumb was a much better use of that description.  She's got me convinced.  Therer were also some old barns and other buildings that had falled down along the running trail from years of abuse from the sun and elements.  Mia asked me if I was around when the tornado came through that tore all the buildings down.  I told her that I didn't think that it was tornadoes but rather time thta had done it but she insisted that it was time.

Paige also did an incredible job on the run.  I'm not certain how the entire thing unfolded on their side, but Carrie said that Paige ran a very large portion of the run and did make the whole length either running or walking.  We're thinking about making it an event to do multiple times during the summer.  A good family event and support some causes.  Gets us out in the sun and exercising.   I might have to bring along the running stroller for Mia - though, she might be getting too big for that.

Tonight we had a family game of soccer.  Wheww, I'm out of shape!   Those little kids are the energizer bunnies.  Wish I could tap into that stuff and power a few small cities.  It was Carrie and Paige versus Mia and me.  Mia ended up being the record keeper so it was a lot more of just me against the other two.  The only way I could get a goal was by throwing Carrie over my shoulder and running that way while distracting Paige.  It opened the goal way up.

I love my family.  We have such an amazing life.  Two perfect daughters and a perfect wife.  I feel so blessed that I have been given as much as I have.  I just pray that I'll be worthy of them being in my life.

Intelligence is Relative?

I really do think that I'm getting dumber as I get older.  This could be because of the severe lack of sleep, the fact that I drank a few poisonous things during my early years (my parents had Poison Control on speed dial and were in the frequent caller program), long term impact of drinking too much Mt Dew year ago, brain damage from a waywardly thrown lawn dart (thanks to a sibling), or just countless other things.

I suppose that intelligence is really a matter of perspective.  I really enjoyed back in the day when I didn't have to worry about retirement or the stock market.  The NASDAQ was something that adults talked about when they were at parties sipping brandy and smoking a Camel.  Even sitting in my Finance classes in college, I'd just kind of zone out when it came to talking about the time value of money or day trading.  Just learned enough to get that C+ I dreamed of.  Well, times have changed and I do have to care now.  Well, I have to care or keep hope in the back of my mind that Paige or Mia are going to strike it rich and support me in my retirement years.  

Carrie and I have been meeting with a few peeps the past few weeks to try and get some direction about how to invest in the future.  The part that I battle within my mind is whether the Mayans really were correct and any money that I put away will be worthless come this December when the end of the world comes.  If that's the case, I should just go out and party the night away with every penny I have spending it on bags of chocolate chips and IBC Root Beer.  Ahhh, that's the life.  I realize that it's very pathetic that I look at a night on the town involving chocolate and carbonated beverages.  I've been off the hard stuff (carbonation) since January and I think that it's having an impact on me.  There was a day that I use to look at a night on the town involving women and fast cars.  And I digress - - - where was I?

Ah yes.  Investing.  I don't have a pension, 401k, or the mob to pay as part of my retirement so it's pretty much up to us to figure out what vehicle we'll use to plan for the days when we ride around on Rascals and yell at the neighbors kids that happen onto our lawn.  Really scary to make these kinds of decisions that could impact whether we can travel when we retire, eating 30 years from now's equivalent of Ramen, or working until the age of dead.  Of course this is all based off the hope that I actually have the funds to invest now - we'll just pretend that I do to make it interesting.

I suppose what the thought that I'm getting around to is that I don't know much about investing and it seems like a very grown up thing to be considering for a 34 year old.  Isn't there suppose to be someone sitting there telling me what to do?  Maybe if I play Solitaire in an open area with some investment strategies minimized on the computer, then when someone comes along to stand behind me and tell me to put the black 7 on the red 8 (as they certainly will) then I can ask them to also tell me what to do with retirement planning.  Probably not a fool proof idea but could it work?

Oh well.  I suppose I'll do my best to research things out and hope for the best.  Dear Lehman Brothers, thanks for the memories.

Guy Time

Over the past handful of years, I've really not been a good friend.  Now, I'm not saying that I'm rude to friends of mine or talk behind their backs.  I just have really taken for granted so many of the close friendships that I had developed over the years.  I'm talking specifically to guy time.  That time that Carrie is always pushing me to go have.  Poker nights.   Strip clubs.  Smashing things.  Okay, so not exactly that kind of guy time exactly but rather just time with the guys.

Living with three women may have a little bit of an affect on me.   I haven't exactly arrived at the point where I'm craving Ryan Gosling movies or choosing between my pink shoes with sparkles or red shoes with rubbies but I'm sure that living with the three most important peope in my life has probably made me a hair less manly.

Full disclaimer here.  I am a man and I eat a handful of nails twice a week not because I have to but because I want to.  Makes me a man.  That said, the past few days I've been able to hang out with a few of the friends in my life that I hadn't exactly spend much time with over the past few years.  Reminded me how good of friends I've had and how important they are in my life.  Before you think that I'm a softy, please refer to my comment about eating nails.   These guys have always been such good friends and always been a support to me for many years.

It really was a call to a reminder that I need to try harder.  I have other guys that I work with and associate with that I realized that I really need to be a better friend to.  My specific coworker that has to share a cubicle with me in particular has to deal with my smelly presence on a daily basis.  It's amazing that after 4 years of having to be around me that we still get along so amazingly well and I consider him one of my closest friends.

I also feel so blessed to have two brothers that I get along with so well.  I really miss being able to give my brother Jason noogies in person.  He has been such an incredible source of support and example to me.  I can be a little mixed up at times and he knows just how to ask the right questions.   My younger but much wiser brother, Dave, has never given up on me and continually reaches out for guy time.  I hope that my years of being a recluse hasn't hurt things forever.    Dave has talked me into trying for a triathalon in September.  Am I nuts?  Most likely.   I couldn't hope for better brothers.

Sooooooo, what am I trying to say out of this?   That I'm a man, I eat nails, and I can a get a little girly sentimental at times and I understand if you judge me because of it.   Thanks to those guys in my life that still will spend time with me.  I am making a committment to be a better friend.

I'm crazy, just ask me.

I'm getting older.   No way around it.  I'm getting older.  Things are changing.  Creaks that I never hear before are beginning.  I find myself looking to see who is sneaking in the door behind me only to find out that the creak that I thought was as door opening was just my knees.

"Daddy, come play with me!"  Mia will plead.  There I am.  Lying there on the floor wondering how long before she'll start to get offended that I'm not playing with her.  The energy that use to flow nicely and allow me to keep up with my bouncing kids seems to have left the same way that my ability to do times tables in my head has gone.  Do I just need a 5 hour energy?  Or just a constant IV drip.

Lately the thing that has begun to impact me is my way of thinking.   My fears for the future.  My desire for my daughters to never have to experience pain.  Did my parents have the same fears that I now have?  

I'm beginning to think that I'm just losing my mind and beginning to go a wee bit crazy.  When I'm driving to work each morning, there's a moment of panic as I see what the current gas prices are.  What happens when the world runs out of oil?  What happens when  gas prices shoot to 20 bucks a gallon?  You probably don't even want to know how much further my mind goes.  I begin thinking about the end of each different phase in history.  Is this phase going to come to a close because the world runs out of oil and blood, carnage, and widespread death comes rolling in?  Billions will die and only the strongest will survive to usher in the next era?  

Yeah, I'm nuts.  What do I need?  Therapy?  Medication?   A cabin in the woods with a few hundred thousand bullets and a nice warm blanket?  

I think that a lot of this mental struggle that I have is caused by my fears for my girls.  I feel confident that Carrie and I can muddle along through life but what about Paige and Mia?  I can't protect them forever.  Maybe that's part of the whole learning experience that I'm destined to go through.  I need to realize that for thousands of years, parents have raised kids and the cycle has continued.  What makes me any more special than the billions before me?  

What does it all teach me?  Hmmm, not quite sure.   I still feel a little mental just looking at what I typed and wondering if I even want to post it out there.  I try to suppress my worries as much as possible because I really do feel that the more I talk/think about it, the more it's going to have a negative affect on my life.  How much do I think about it and try to make a difference or how much do I just wave it off and figure that I can't do anything about it but need to be happy with my family?  

I've been going through quite a bit of person struggles lately that have really caused me to look at many of the things that are at my core.  The very root of who I am and what I've thought that I believe in.  It's been a really rough last 14 months and I know that I'm different.  I'm changed.  For the good or the bad - I'm not sure.  I think that it's been one of those times in my life that I'll look back and realize that it really helped to define me.  I'll continue trying to make sense of it all.  I feel like I really am rambling now so I'll hold off until a later time.  Thanks for listening - whoever is out there.

My Old Posts

Quick Post - I'm bringing in the couple posts that I posted years ago just so I have a string of thoughts going.  I'm not smart enough to see if there is a way to link the others ones over.  

Monday, November 9, 2009

Building with Paige

I guess I'm about due for my once per decade posting.

I had a great weekend hanging with the girls and working in the garage. Paige and I had a lot of bonding in the garage. I've been working on putting up shelves and making the garage look a little more organized. Paige was nice enough to accompany me to Lowe's for some Daddy/Daugther shopping. I figured that it was time for her to have her own hammer and screwdriver. She picked out a great little hammer and a flatheard screw driver. I was trying to talk her into a Phillips, but she instead that the flatheard would be better for carving whales out of wood. (we recently went to Sea World).

I remember back to the good old days when I had my first hammer. I also remember what I use to do with that hammer. Some of the things I cannot list here because the statute of limitation is not up. One of my favorite things was to go out to the garden, get a bucket of rocks, wash the rocks, name the rocks, and then break the rocks. Where did this ritual take place? Right on the porch in the backyard. I believe that at times I use to chip off more of the concrete stairs then the actual rocks. Why smash rocks? Why not. Never tried? I really think that you should look into smashing rocks. They make such a great spark when struck and the slivers of rock in a person's face really feels great.

Back at the Garage . . . . . While I worked on doing some stuff in the garage, Paige proceeded to take nails and wood and make some amazing toys. She really has quite the imagination. We made a jump for her cars and even raced up the ramp. When all was done, she informed me that we'll be making a work bench for her so she can make toys and sell them to the kids in the neighborhood. Ahhh, that's my girl. Takes after her dear old dad. I can't wait to get the garage more organized so I can make a work bench right next to one for me so we can imagine and build together.

I wish to share how much I love and appreciate my wife. Carrie is such an amazing woman and always so considerate of the girls and their needs. She's always concerned for them and whether they are entertained. It could be so easy for her to just plop them in front of a TV for hours, let Paige play PBSKids on the computer, or let Mia watch XUXA over and over but she is constantly trying to find things for the girls to do. I know that it can be so tough for her to do the many things as a mother and then find the time to continue with her career as a professional photographer. (We won't even throw into the mix the fact that she's married to a small child).

Thank you, Carrie, for all that you do. Thank you for always thinking of the girls feelings, emotions, and needs and making sure that they will grow into amazing women that will be just like their mother. I love you.

Monday, April 13, 2009

What a Day at Work

I realize that I don't post very much at all. My better instincts tell me that the world should never know what really goes on it my head.

I can feel that it's going to be one of those days so I came up with a list of excuses that I should use to get out of work today:


-"I swear that I saw a hobo spider right there on my keyboard. I'm not going in my office until the exterminator gets here."
-"My doctor recently informed me that if I start using my brain before 11:00am I might do permanent damage. Oh, and I'll need to shut down right after lunch to not run the risk of the same thing."
-"What do you mean we're not allowed to watch WWF at work? I thought that we had an agreement."
-"It's poison ivy. I have to wear these mittens all week so I don't scratch. I won't be able to type all week with these mittens on. Don't worry, someone already offered to type for me while I dictate."
-"I'm sorry but I just can't stand any of you today. Please don't talk, look, or even email me."
-"I'll be calling in well today. You all make me sick."

Ahhh, it's going to be a fun week. Unfortunately, my job isn't the type of job where if I don't show up someone swoops in and does it for me. I'm not that lucky.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Paige and Daddy

Carrie had a photo shoot this morning (check out her blog at paigisms.blogspot.com) and Mia had gone down for a nap so Paige and I were looking for something to do. It amazes me each day how much Paige has grown up. She wanted to watch the family video of when she was a little baby. I couldn't believe all the things that she remembered about when she was growning up. It also pretty much brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat to see how much she has grown up and how little she once was.

I feel like I had missed out on a lot of things that happened when she was growing up. At the time I was working about 60 hours a week from the time she was born until about 8 months later. It was so great for me to watch the video and be reminded of all the fun that we had.

Paige's other new favorite game is tag/hide and seek. I think that I just burned off more calories in the last 2 hours than I generally do with my morning gym routine. (see previous blog or how I feel about working out these days). I'd tag her back and she'd chase me. If she couldn't catch me fast enough, she'd stop running and say something like, "Daddy, I remembered that I forgot to tell you something. Come here so I can tell you." As soon as I'd get within reach, I'd then be it. It did take a few moments for me to fight back the tears of remembering what it was like growning up and being "it" most of the time.

Ahh, I love my girls. All three of them. They are the most important things in my life and I thank Heavenly Father above each day for the blessing of them in my life. I love you, girls!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Getting Older

The last few months have really been a reality check for me in the changes that are happening to my body as I get older. No, I'm not referring to the uncomfortable things that a kid learns about sitting in their 5th grade class with their parent next to them as pictures are flashed on the screen about the male and female reproduction organs and they're told about all the fun and exciting things to look forward to in the years to come. Sorry, it was a little TMI for me at the time.

I remember back about 10 years ago when I could go to the gym for two weeks and suddenly be back into the best shape of my life with very minimal effort on my part. In fact, I think that a couple times I drove past a gym and actually felt myself losing body fat and my muscles bulge just a hair.

The current situation is just a hair different. I find myself having flashbacks of some ancient Medieval torture that I went through in an earlier life. Years ago I could hop on the ole tredymill or stationary bike and just go crazy for a good 45-60 minutes while reading a book, watching a movie, and doing my taxes. Now, after about minute 4, I'm sweating more liquid than I'd drank in the last month and find myself constantly looking down at the time counter on the eliptical machine cursing the makers of this machine of pain and all of their posterity.

Needless to say, I'm actually heavier than when I started a few months back and I'm not quite sure if any of my muscles are better off for the abuse.

I'd get started on the weight lifting but I find myself unable to type much since I just got back from the gym about 30 minutes ago. If you need me, I'll be the one asleep at my desk with the bottle of Advil in one hand.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

My first

I feel a little bit like the person that bought a cassette tape in 1998 after watching everyone else buy them for the past 200 years after being so cautious that they were jumping on the bandwagon. I'm pretty sure that every person/living thing in the world has a blog including Paige's hermit crab, Chinny, and her fish, Carlo. (You should really check out their blogs. They have some pretty radical political views).

I'm really not quite sure what to write on my blog. If you ask those around me, I tend to have random thoughts and things that go flying through my mind. My favorite show in the world is Scrubs and I liken what goes on in my head to my good friend JD on Scrubs. He is constantly having little day dreams and "what-ifs" that fly through his mind. Carrie could verify this by telling you about the mental rockets that I shoot at cars on the road that upset me. It could possibly be from me playing just a wee too much Halo 3 till 2:00am.